Rejoicing and mourning with the 'mom club'

It's remarkable how much things can change in a year.

On January 1, 2012, we had a miscarriage. Just days before, at our family Christmas celebrations, we had shared the happy news that we were expecting. And then, on New Year's Day, we lost the baby.

About two weeks later, my sister, who was nearly six months pregnant, lost her baby, too. The year ahead was looking incredibly bleak.

I had mourned the deaths of loved ones before, but nothing could have prepared me for the loss of my child and of my nephew. Most of those who had gone before had been elderly -- their loss was terribly sad, to be sure, but it was expected. Losing two children within two weeks felt so wrong, so unjust.

In the following weeks, I felt bitterness when I'd log onto Facebook and see updates and photos from moms highlighting their children's achievements, showcasing their beaming smiles. I felt annoyance with the mom-oriented programs at my church, and how the mothers would assemble over car seats and busy toddlers as they sipped their coffees following the service. For a brief moment, I had been in the "mom club," and then it was snatched away from me.

A few months later, we were blessed with another pregnancy. And in December, our dear son was born. A year that started with such loss ended with such a gift. And yet, the heaviness of 2012 remains. My sister still longs for another child. And I long for another niece or nephew. And we dearly miss the children that we didn't get the chance to know.

It's remarkable how much things can change in a year. A year ago, I didn't fully appreciate that children are a gift, not a given. As a girl, I had always assumed that one day I'd get married and have children. And while I eventually learned that childhood dreams don't always pan out, I still just assumed they would for me.

I've also learned that while the camaraderie with other moms is a fabulous thing, the "mom club" can be downright cliquey when one isn't a member -- and worse, when one longs so desperately to be.

In this new year, with our new baby, I remind myself not to take our child for granted. He is a gift. And while I celebrate this gift, I also try to remember the feeling of being on the outside looking in.

Romans 12:15 reads, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." Rejoicing moms: rejoice in that baby! Rejoice in the community of moms! But don't forget to mourn, too. Remember and mourn with the wishing-to-be-moms, the grieving-moms, the struggling-moms. They need to feel part of the club, too.